AAAAAAAAAAAARRGH! Came the cry from the kitchen, Heather came bolting out, “That bloody dog” I muttered as I sat half asleep waiting at the table for my bacon sarni. He groaned again, puzzled I tottered into the kitchen to find Barry gripping the work top as hot spasms of pain shot through him, “My backs gone, my backs gone, all I did was turn” I squirted brown sauce onto my bacon, and thought his timing was crap! I was still suffering from a heavy head cold and chesty cough and was not sure if I would be up for today and now Barry goes and does this! We both sat at the table feeling old before our time. Barry found some dickliwhatsit tablets that would relax his pain. Meanwhile I had weaned myself of the antibiotics last night and sipped Lemsip No 47 of the week. Bloody good start this is!
Thirty minutes later we got into our bike kit, I put layer upon layer on to combat my cold whilst Barry propped himself against the wall and pulled his winter trews on. We must have looked like the English version of “The Odd Couple” Im sure! if it wasn’t for everyone we would have binned it there and then! Our wives were not with us today, Tina was in Bulgaria and Julie was in charge of the ranch. We were going to share Nick the Freak between us, but now I would have him all to myself.
At 08.30 we arrived at Colin Appleyards motorbike showroom in Keighley and picked up Tony Walton on his new 1500, it was a nice fishpond green in colour, he tried saying it was something green, all posh like, but no it was deffo the colour of summer pond water, Hazel was missing today too, the babe count was going downhill fast. Lynne saved the day as she shimmied up with John and the curvy 1800 purple trike, Geoff and Christine came next on their 1800 Protestant orange statement, I have to avert my eyes on this glum morning, its just too bloody bright! Colin and Ann Topley arrived, they were masked up in an effort to keep the cold breeze away, it didn’t look too good at the moment cloud and more cloud gathered over us and swirled about, here and there one could catch a glimpse of blue sky but to be honest it felt like it was going to rain. Derek and Heather came with Dean following closely, this was his first day with us and he had ridden up from Nottingham.
Tony Walton and Dean of Nottingham.
It really wasn’t standing around weather but we stood and waited just in case any latecomers turned up. I took some names of unfamiliar Wanderers for the log, like the couple from Pudsey on their grey Lehman trike. Barry lit yet another roll up and tried to keep mobile whilst I just tried to keep warm. Nick was engaged in a roll up too, I could see he really wished he was mobile and didn’t have to be a back seater today, it’s not something that comes easy to a biker used to being up front. OK that’s it lets go! Gladly we all mounted and pushed of towards Skipton on the speedy bypass, it’s odd how the cold goes away when you’re on the road, it really is the smallest of discomforts isn’t it?
Skipton market place.
Sitting at Skipton was Deryck with a Y and Jan with their blue 1800, he says he still feels new on it, this will hopefully change by this seasons end as he gets the miles under his belt and tastes a few dramas, eventually he will feel the bikes envelope, so don’t worry practice makes perfect Deryck, well for most folk….. C.C sat on the old blue 1500 flashing his new gizmo at everyone, it looked to be some kind of council light stick on the end of a long black rampant rabbit which was lodged just behind Mrs CC, It crowed, woofed, mooed, squeaked and farted as Ian pressed knob after knob thinking it highly amusing to impress the unimpressed Skiptonians as they strolled by, they were grimacing not grinning. 
The younger bikers have the nutter amongst them always pulling wheelies and pratting about…we have the C.C’s and their silly klaxon!
Colin and Anne Topley…wishing they were elsewhere!
Skipton happily saw us leave on the A65 towards Kirkby Lonsdale and the last pick up point at “Devils Bridge”. This great road encouraged greater speeds as we upped the pace unfortunately farmers use the roads too for short hops from farm to farm and Farmer Tom was taking his favourite muck spreader for a spin, we pulled in behind him in a long line astern and waited for places to overtake. From the rear I saw Barry skip round him and the rest began to follow nipping by as the road straightened for short stretches, the purple trike dashed around it and the 1800’s made hardly an effort compared to this elderly and heavy1500 as it lurched past, Nick and I commented as it wallowed in the dip and its exhausts coughed in protested. I have owned both and know that there is a world of difference between the boxy 1500 and streamlined 1800, and that’s before any weight or riding style is taken into account. They have different requirements when performing similar tasks, the orange thing nipped by previously as two cars came on, Geoff had loads of room so no drama unfurled. This road certainly made some rusty bikers get reaffirmed with forgotten riding skills. Next came the Pudsey grey trike, he saw a straight piece of road pulled out and gunned it, sweeping by effortlessly, I of course followed in their wake thank you very much!
The police were out in force today as the TV announced it was the first day of the bike season…Oh what tosh, I’ve been out practically all year on my 650 ratter and the 1800 has been out since March with Barry! A strange copper in his police car sat smiling and waved at us as we passed, I waved a girlie wave back as thoughts of an ambush came to mind….yes a camera car was half a mile ahead looking to collect pieces of eight for the councils coffers. I think the police should do something more drastic if they really are serious about cutting road deaths, compulsory and yearly bike training/track days, or working in a hospital casualty room in the month of August or something along the lines of confiscating your bike for the whole summer if you really go OTT. A time and a place for everything is always my motto, this morning though a nice man in an oncoming silver 4×4 gave us warning of the trap, not that we needed it.
We picked up some gemstones at Devils Bridge….. down from Dumfries came Stephen, a tall and gentle agitator with his Jane. These two often switch places on the red trike and both are capable trike pilots. Steven is a cause of constant amusement for me, he is quite the opposite to me, he is subtle gentle, Devils Bridge, Kirkby Lonsdale
thought provoking and quite a witty piss taking bastard! He does it so well that some folk don’t realise what he has said. Ian and M from Carlisle put in a rare showing today on their Lord of the Rings 1800, truly a stunning crowd pleaser, it certainly gets the kids going. One can learn a lot from this old fart! If you get the chance to ride with him do so.
In the past Ian, Barry and I have had some wonderful days out scorching tarmac, I remember one corner in particular on one sunny Thursday, somewhere on the twisting road to Hawes, I nearly did a drive through at speed through a quiet little farm on a corner!! Then there was that recovery bloke who thought he was going to be taken by three of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as we bore down on him at a swift rate of knots down the narrowest of roads. Sitting here now I can recount many such occasions. I remember my virginal ride down the mighty Grossglockner over there in Austria with Ian, it was so far THE moment of my biking life, So true and sad that all good things come to an end!
The pretty half of The Pudsey Trike!
We found spots to park up and grabbed tea and sandwiches, joining jet jockies, retro riders that made up the leather mix that milled around the bikes. Thirty minutes later climbed aboard the bikes again to head off to Morecambe, today’s full compliment was 13 bikes, of which three were 1800 well handled trikes, 21 happy contented folk out to enjoy our country side.
It was getting brighter more blue bits showed through the clouds and for longer periods, we zipped along the twisting B6254 easing by slow running blind Sunday drivers, Sunday brings out the once a week drivers, at least we didn’t see any caravans or worse (motorhomes) Nature dictates safety in numbers and sure enough the cars slow down and pull over to let us pass. As back door man I always wave a thank you or prod a thumbs up in their direction for their courteous gesture, Gawping faces turn to smiles and the odd wave back.
We entered Morecambe from the east and rode along the prom, the wind was really blowing at us from seaward, 
it was making my eyes run and was bloody cold, the clouds had gone by now, leaving a pure blue ceiling above us, the distant hills across the bay still had snow, surely we had seen the last of winter Nick and I thought. Morecambe was quite full and we had to park in the municipal car park by the market, the man let us park for free if we got in tight together, which was a nice gesture I thought. I went to look at the seafront and promptly lost sight of everyone! I looked up and down the front and saw a nice modern coffee house and got myself comfy and ordered a large coffee and toast. Two more Wanderers soon joined me, Deryck with a Y and Jan ordered tea and soup, we chatted a while about this and that,
The Barry Walton muppet Show!
soon I left them to it and tracked back to the fudge shop to buy for Julie then made my way back to our nest of wings in the car park, others were already there with a few bags of trinkets, in mine was three bars of fudge.
Tony announced he would part from us on the way, he had to get back early as a baby was due in the family, It was good to see him on his bike, it was a nice example of the old 1500 even though it was the colour of summer pond water! We left via Lancaster, Lancaster I have to say looked quite historic and tidy, was that just because the sun was giving us its full attention now I wondered. We stayed as one until Tony turned off, we climbed past the M6 upwards into the area known as The Trough of Bowland
Tony Walton
Apparently it’s a popular misconception that its known as the land where bows were made (Forest of Bowland) No, its stated that the name was coined in 1923 from the 10th century Norse word “bogi” meaning bend in a river (it runs in the Hodder Basin near Slaidburn) It’s a beautiful unspoilt area, whatever it’s called! We pulled over high on a ridge to take in the views across to Heysham and Morecambe, they say on a clear day one can see the Isle of Man, today was not that clear. We had the official team photo of the day with the stone tower as the back drop. This is a sturdy squat tower and was built to commemorate Queen Victoria’s Golden Jubilee.
Not many vehicles were on these roads so we could relax a bit and really enjoy the views, the few cars we did encounter moved over or stopped to let us pass. It’s quite spectacular and we ran gently down towards Dunsop Bridge to our next tea stop at the side of the road, again only a dozen or so cars were around, perhaps most were stuck in jams on our motorways? Lynne took her third call of nature by the river, she was on a roll now since the episode in the car park by the Audi in Innsbruck last year, thanks for the heads up on that Stephen, the cheque is in the post!
Dave Sharp……The Wanderers Scribe
It was mid afternoon, the day matured nicely and warmed as the valley gave shelter from the wind. This was a nice spot for a brew and for Barry to light up another roll up. On again we got and rode up out of the valley dropping down the other side,
the colours were very Spring like, deep greens dotted with yellow blobs as clumps of daffodils pointed towards the sun, trumpeting the arrival of Spring, little lambs seemed to be in abundance in the fields, running away as the Appy Wanderers circus rode past, I really do hope we have seen the last of the damn snow! Stephen and Jane left us next on their deep red 1800 trike, we waved goodbye tilnextime. Thanks for the DVD’s mate! Ian and M also left us here, a quick drop of his shoulder and they peeled left to follow the trike northwards to Carlisle. I hope they come again.
We soon reached civilisation at Clitheroe and took the A59 all the way to Skipton but not before losing a couple more Wanderers, that’s the good thing about the Appy Wanderers, you can join where you like and leave where you like and its all free! A last tea stop in Skipton and a bag of cheap bread was purloined by myself and Heather for a quid each. “Its not the money” I hear Barry singing! The upstairs room in the bakery echoed to the sounds of light hearted bitching and baiting, even Colin (Ex R.N Gunner) got in some long range shots from the back, He dared to question the structural integrity of the café floor directly under the gang sitting in the corner scoffing cream and chokkies. I have to say Colin would have had a serious point if we had called in on our outward bound leg! We left the gun deck ….I mean café intact and waltzed back to the bikes to say final farewells of the day. I think it fair to say everyone enjoyed most of the day, personally I found getting out of bed at 06.30hrs to choke on another awful lemsip was the worst part of my day!
Barry and I set of for our customary lat mission instruments check along the fast bypass back to Keighley, we tried our lights, horns, music volume and blew all remaining dust and grit from our vents, etc, I get well stuffed with it all as I ride behind all you guys, Barry on the other hand gets all the bugs etc as he clears the path for you at the front! We stop for the last time at the clubhouse, Nick has had a day on the back and enjoyed it I think, I know it’s quite difficult on the back when one is used to being at the front! It’s Monday now and I’m still not 100% and still have the stiff neck, over in Keighley Barry still has the bayonet between his blades and is still taking the tablets, You guys have been lucky today seeing as we have not been as sharp as usual and some clangers may have gone unnoticed. It had still been a great day and we are very glad we made the effort. I’m away now for a Jagarmaister or three, park bench here I come! ( I have three in the garden and one’s a swinger)
Tillateronthen
PS.
A big thanks very much to Christine and Heather for the photographs on todays adventure. xxx
