I arrived at work early on Sunday morning the 25th of October in mild temperatures and under a light grey blanket, its dry so far, but rain has been promised by Carol of the yellow coat. It was 07.00 or 08.00 depending if you’d remembered to move your clock. I’m not sure if Star Fleet command would approve of us buggering about with time like we do twice a year, but I do because it means I get an extra hour in bed! I’m at the Immigration Liaison Office doing some catch up work and preparing the movement orders for the next day’s removals. It’s 10.00 hrs now and I’m wondering how the ride-out is going and how many braved the weather because Carols rain has arrived and it’s not a slight drizzle! Puddles begin to form and merge with each other as the detainees head back inside and moan about the weather.
The meeting place in Ripley early on Sunday morning
My informant tells me Barry and Tina were head of a ten bike group today “Old Geoff” and Chris sat at the back this time, in the middle were Colin Topley, Mick, Nige and Denise, Brian and Janet, Nick “The Feak”. Tony and Heather and two new couples, Bill and Lorraine from the North East and Deryck and his missus on a lovely blue goldwing. They pulled out of Ripley, I trust the whole village knew what to do now as Barry will have stood on a high rock and reminded folk in his loud voice of the route and how to ride in a group and to remind of wet weather riding, wet leaves and other such hazards. This puts to bed some nagging thoughts and answers some questions, always a good thing to start off with everyone on the same playing field don’t you agree? So with tyre pressures correct and good sound brakes (C.C wasn’t with the group today!) everyone zipped up tight and set off after Barry and Tina in the direction of Pateley Bridge.
“Sir, Mista Shap (me) can I fax this letter to my solicitor? I cannot go back to my own country I have problems there and what about my children here?” ”I wouldn’t bother wasting your time with the fax Akindayo…. The paperwork has been sorted and is in order, your flying back home tomorrow.”
It was drizzling and somewhat grey as Barry led off from the start point in RIPLEY with the wet ones trailing behind. Mick Gordge was hacking down the lanes in hot pursuit, his old blue bread van going like the clappers! He was calling Barry on the CB, at first Barry thought his CB was playing up and called on the back door man “Old Geoff” who remained pretty clueless as to the noise on the CB. The noise turned out to be Mick calling from afar. “Barry Oh Barry where art thou?”….or summat like that!
A steady approach down into Pately Bridge.
He had guessed correctly the direction the wet ones had gone and soon saw in the distance the Protestant orange 1800 wing belonging to the apprentice T.W.A.T.
Say no more!
It was a careful ride up the twisting oily leaf ridden road that followed the shores of Gouthwaite Reservoir a gap or two appeared in the group as a few nerves jangled. The dog lover from Durham lost sight of the guys in front and slithered to a shaky stop, wondering if he’d took a wrong turn. Mr Topley was right behind and took him in hand (once a sailor always a sailor eh Colin?) leading him to the café at Stean Gorge for a well earned tea stop and bacon buttie.
“Right then Jacob, you and I are going to the reception office and are going to get your fingerprints taken OK? He knods at me smiling. “Yes OK he says” ”Good O then, come with me lad, I wave him to come with me. His English not being so good a bit of animation is quite helpful”and disarming. Jacob was a huge man from Sierra Leone with hands like shovels! Bloody hell, his will be difficult to fit onto the form properly I thought to myself, Jacob padded in behind me smiling and clutching his ID card, “You can these prints Albert, I’ll put the kettle on” I said to my “oppo” smiling mischievously to myself.
The gang piled noisily into the café, a church service was in full swing and his flock crooned out a song or three. They sat and listened as they warmed up, ate and drank warm beverages. Sufficiently fuelled up the gang wrapped up tight bidding farewell to the flock, the Michelin extras waddled out into the elements and struggled to cock old legs over wet steeds in the car park. Not before Barry paid a visit to the portaloo. “Old Geoff” thought it might be fun to rock the bog, I’m glad Barry was only doing a No1 and not a No2, I think he has probably been watching the short videos on YOU TUBE of bored young soldiers playing pranks on each other. Being a spineless apprentice that he is, the man never went to the bog once during the rest of the rideout according to my spy! The thing is Geoff old mate, these things don’t end at the end of the day, these things gather momentum and of course retribution can take a long time. The only way back is bribery!
Geoff swings gaily by as Barry prepare to whip his apprentice into shape!
With empty bladders and full bellies “the wet ones” turned towards Lofthouse along the cold tops before passing Roundhill and Leighton Reservoirs, turning right towards Masham , turning left at the lights on the A6108, through the rain ahead they could make out Jervaulx Abbey. The puddles began to form and merge but still the gang enjoyed themselves!
A sharp left hander ahead onto another tiny road took them to Coverham and Carleton. This road is, as I remembered, tiny and sunken earth berms ran along the “road” it would be tricky if a car or worse still a tractor approached. It twisted along the edge of Coverdale as the wind got a grip of the day and fairly ragged it about. The rain and the wind began to make the conditions a little uncomfortable for people to say the least. Thankfully the road soon began to drop off the edge and out of the wind before dropping into Kettlewell and another stop at the regular café, everyone was fleeced of their well earned money here as Mr Topley found out to his dismay! Perhaps we should resort to taking our own coffee and teas in 2010? At least they were in the dry and had plenty of room as the usual day trippers and sedate walkers vacated the café as the Appy Wanderers antics and general friendly rowdiness drove the quiet folk out!
“Boss boss that fikin china man won’t give me the black ball fikin bitch” I pointed and shouted “Xie XIE! Give me that black ball I flicked my extended open hand in a “come hither” jesture not unlike Bruce Lee did in one of his films. ( Animation helps a great deal with all these languages flying around) Xie and the other eight Chinese argued loudly, this attracted more detainees into the argument. Oh no, it’s the Chinese verses the rest AGAIN! The noise attracted more staff to the games room, after some frisking and tugging, the black ball appeared and young Egor Slavitch was able to claim it for his game, eventually some calm returned in the games room, I sat back down and carried on scanning the morning papers trying to appear calm and uninterested.
The sun threatens to show itself
After the fleecing of the Wanderers at the café people were glad to get on the move again! This time they stayed low and out of the wind for a while, at least until Barry took a left up the side of the valley in the direction of Arncliffe, this tiny road runs along the River Skirfare on the left, it’s a beautiful day if you were a predatory falcon of some kind I guess, letting the wind sweep you faster along as it hunted for prey, but alas the Goldwings are not predatory birds so don’t enjoy the conditions as much. Malham Tarn is off to the left as the wanderers come over the rise , turning left down into Malham village and some respite from the winds. 
The girls take advantage of a dry spell
Shortly after Malham the ride turned right to Winterburn, Hetton and into Cracoe before coming into Skipton. 
Mick shows of his extendable pole trick
It was here that the days rideout ended, not quite the long day as The Appy Wanderers are used to but with the wet and windy conditions it was best to keep it an appy but short day eh folks?
We counted the last of the fifty six assorted detainees back onto Elm wing as they finished their tea, we waited for the last two lads who were helping to serve the food to return, Assan the only fat Ethiopian on planet Earth came first, his arms full of extra bread then came Mussuya the toothless Angolan scallywag who came up grinning saying “Goodnyte boos, see yoo in morning” He told me once that he had his front two teeth pulled out as a child because it was tradition in his village, We signed for our IRC roll of 125 bodies and had it verified. Hurray we had reached the end of another day! The day staff said bye to the evening duty staff, the usual adult banter swayed back and forth as we left the building! I changed out of uniform handed my keys and radio in at the gate. Puffing and panting the three miles home on my peddle bike was hard work in the rain and wind, I wondered what kind of day todays “Appy Wanderers” had?
Tilateronthen
PS……….Thanx very much to big Deryck and Christine Smith for the use of some of their photos. x
THE SCRIBE.