First an apology ….You MIGHT see a slight difference with this write-up from the others, I’m sitting here writing this in warlike conditions, the wind is rattling through a shattered window, splintered wood litters the door way..SMASH! There goes another window as two youths in HUGE jackboots with a jemmy bar force the bedroom window I can hear glass crunching under foot as another youth forces his way in with a door under his arm..am I under siege you ask and why have they now sat down to drink tea..MY tea fer fecks sake??….  Operation Double Glazing is what’s happening guys and those jackboots are really Timberlands! My imagination is getting the better of me…but it really is a bit of a mess.
Right enough of that. It’s Sunday morning of September 20th 2009 and APPY WANDERERS do something different today, it’s not a rideout but a treasure hunt!
Barry has done most of the work in the first place because I really couldn’t envisage doing something so soft! A bloody Treasure Hunt on motorbikes?….and if it’s a bit wet to invite them to come in CARS?? Oh nooo my world is collapsing! Well that was ages ago and how I have changed my mind since then. Now I’m really looking forward to this, though I have still blanked the cars bit out. 

Chris Nutbrown sorts his stuff.

Its 09.45 and as I arrive in Skipton I can see some Goldwings already parked up, there is a definite nip in the air this morning as folk snuggle up to hot tea and coffee, Autumn is just around the corner. It’s got the makings of a beautiful day and guess what?  Nobody has come in a car!
I see Tony Hudson and Nick the Freak stood with hands thrust firmly in trouser pockets, obviously feeling the mild chill. Nick’s pale pink 1500 on possibly its last rideout, he is trading in for 2010, his hand should be a lot better by then too, Nick will be right up there with us in 2010. These two guys are teaming up for todays effort. Quite an odd couple, a bit like Laurel and Hardy when you look at them
There are a number of Leeds troublemakers here today, Heather and Derek Thornton, Ian and Adrienne, Chris and Geoff on Tangerine Dream, did you know Geoff is officially old now? He turned 50 last week, they had purloined a new sex rug for the bike it was white with orange flecks and matched the bike nicely, good choice Chris. The Leeds ringleader Sharon eyed me up from the back, she was with her bitch…John, a right pair of smirking Abbots I must say!
Just arriving from South Yorkshire was Brian and Anne with their friends Chris and Marie all the way from Hull the “Cod head” county. Their 1500  looks very nice even if it is a breadvan, I liked the extra paint bits. Chris had a beautiful black number under him with just the right amount of bling, it’s known that I am attracted to black 1800’s!
I just love Anne’s leg warmers, they are upside down leather coat arms you know, the fluffy blonde bits at the bottom cover her petite ankles and matched her tousled blonde locks and so rounded the image off nicely.
Colin and Anne Topley were here again, she was cold and had been sitting on her hands all the way from Castleford so nipped of to get a hot drink. Colin probably thought it was quiet warm having spent his youth on the high seas with the Royal Navy.
Giggling Denise and Sir Cattle Grid were welcomed as they purred up on their Snow Princess.  As usual Nigel had his boatdeck trainers on and Denise had her snug pinkers on, in my eyes this footwear has become their trademark and always makes me smile.
The other odd couple from up Geordie way were well wrapped up and ready for the challenge, this was a youthful fit chisled Dave of Redcar and Jimbo…who was the exact opposite in looks but immense in character, he is good for everyones laughter lines, I think he is so funny and would be an asset to any party. Dave was the navigator whilst Jimbo was in charge of the steering bit at the front.
Heather gets wind of something

So this gang  of highway bandits were the treasure hunters and more importantly they were todays Appy Wanderers. Barry had arrived in the van with the barbi stuff and two good cooks…..that’s two good COOKS, Julie Sharp and Tina Walton our two long suffering wives. The clues and directions were handed out, maps books appeared and smiles and grins turned to studious deep looks and fags were lit. Puzzled,

The odd couple do the sums

Jimbo reached for his Geordie phrase book then began to nod as things made sense. Jon and Sharon Abbot sat down and pondered some cheating tactics.

Geoff looks for some pictures.

Old Geoff looked then looked a bit more but was unable to find any picture he lost interest and gave the sheets to Chris. Pep talk before the “off” at Skipton

Barry gathered folk for a quick chat and kept pointing to me and laughing, from the other side of the road I could hear some words like “trust” “Him” and “don’t”, the gang  began to cast glances in my direction, murmuring and nodding collectively. Hmmm.. I’m not sure I liked the way this was going!

Colin ponders Barrys excuse why he’s not riding today

What’s my job you ask? Well basically as it is our first attempt at a Treasure Hunt I was going to try to make sure everyone  got on the right track and was able to follow the clues.  We had figured that once they got the first few clues it would run on rails. Chris and Marie head for the first clue

I intended to observe from afar taking photos as folk meandered lost like through our stunning countryside with sheets of paper looking for clues and to try and keep Barry informed as he and the girls set up camp at the end of the hunt. I was going to help if anyone got really REALLY stuck..at least that’s what I thought until two minutes ago, I’m not too sure now though! Perhaps it would be healthier if I just stayed here in Skipton for the day?

The Geordies hit the road to nowhere!

The bikes set off at intervals toward the first clue, the sun was out now and the morning chill had gone. Barry and St Honda, the patron saint of Two Wheels and Sunshine had delivered again, providing good weather and more fab roads. Victor Meldrew and Ann hit the treasure trail

I turned towards Malham at Gargrave, soon I saw the first group of Wingers at a set of Gate Posts they were looking for flowers somewhere in the stone, Ian and Adrienne later said they counted 13 flowers, she says we put a red Herring in too by missing the second K in Kirkby Malham!  Maybe just go look at the STATLEY GATEPOSTS a hundred yards further on and just count the 4 flowers cut into the side of the posts, it’s supposed to be a fun day not a serious wartime exercise Captain Mainwarring!
At Malham everyone had dismounted and were searching for clues around the village, thankfully Elvis the pig hadn’t left the building. Nick and Tony got a cuppa and sat looking, Jimbo stood in front of Elvis but his eyes wandered over the pasties in the shelf below, a rambler eventually pointed Elvis out…just six inches in front of him!

Meet Stan and Ollie

It was here that two Wingers attempted to take me out of the equation, outside on the pavement one Golden one even turned his engine off in his attempt to quietly run me over.My bike was here earlier!
Colin and Anne were quickly collecting their answers then had a bit of a discussion on the old pack horse bridge as to the identity of one of the iron animals,

Colin sees off some vital evidence

the bird was easy, not so the squirrel which in their eyes was either a rabbit or the rare Malham long eared mouse! Colin pretended to hoof the damn think into the stream, I swear he was smiling!Elvis? what do you mean Elvis?

I left them to it as Brian, Ann, Chris and Marie arrived to join the fun.
Malham Tarn was off to my right as I climbed high and right, I stopped a few miles ahead at a cattle grid and basked in the sunshine on the hillside and waited and waited and waited, a lonely sheep eyed me up from a distance, I wished the gang would hurry up because everytime I glanced round the damn thing seemed to be edging closer to me. Maybe I should have left the “Old Spice” alone this morning?

Love on the horizon

I was saved from an uncertain togetherness with one of God’s creatures by the twinkling of distant headlights. Geoff and Chris shoo away my amourous admirer

I got up off my knees and got a few shots as they passed by eventually and I slowly followed them towards Armcliffe. I was entering killer dog territory again at the farm in the dip. Just a few days earlier on our test run the little black terrier caught sight of my flapping tails and chased me up the hillside just like he did last year! Barry was beside himself with laughter at the bottom, he was actually encouraging the dog. Only today the thing was sitting yards away in the field panting, lucky for me. No doubt we will see each other again in 2010.
Arncliffe was next on the list, I followed behind Ian as one group very nearly missed the first clue, someone spotted the pub and yelled out. I watched them from a distance, the keyword in the clue was what was Mr Miller LICENCED to sell, once you got the drift of that the rest was easy(ish) I hurried to the next village, Kilnsey and right turned to the bridge before Coniston to await the next lot and take some pictures. They had to get through the smallest gate in the world

VERY slim folk only

Chris is triumphant in her quest

go under the bridge, pick their way over boulders and tip toe through shallow waters to the centre of the bridge arch and pick up a card.  Anne and Marie tip toe to success!

Most of us are fat looking so-and-so’s in our kit so this bit proved to be amusing for all of us, a gentle cheat was a farm gate a few yards away..I have to say that most used it! Amazingly big Derek Thornton slithered through the gap, lifting his belly over the parapet, something I couldn’t do.
Leeds gangmenbers look a litle euphoric!

Big Derek performs a miracle

The Nutbrowns had a slow puncture in the front tyre of their 1500, lucky for them the bike has a compressor built in for such things so they were OK to carry on, this proves that the 1500 breadvan has two things that an 1800 doesn’t have and ought to, a compressor and huge luggage space! The slow puncture didn’t bother them coz they produced a mobile canteen from one of the tardis like sideboxes and Marie tried to bribe me with a cuppa but I declined, pushing on instead to Grassington to capture images of other clue gatherers.

Leeds gang member Jon Abbott

Sharon Abbott The Leeds ringleader

Grassington was full of Sunday tourists and a mini market was in full swing. I stayed a minute to photograph the Leeds ringleader again before leaving them to buy savouries and snacks from the stalls and hopefully get a few clues whilst filling their fat faces! Yes folks I just might have accepted a bribe at this point. With rumbling belly I pushed onto Burnsall to the next port of call, I saw nobody here so carried on through the cars and meandering people.  Burnsall is a really pretty place and I would like to have stayed a bit longer, the bridge is well maintained and easy on the eye as was the ice cream van! The date on the bridge was a little blurred and scarred hence just the year was requested.
Pushing on to Appletreewick now, the keyword being UPWARDS, hinting that one should keep taking the upwards  road and not deviate left or right. Eventually one would intersect the B6265 after negotiating a couple of difficult Stelvio like twisty uphill bends.
Clue 18 was a dig at Mark (AKA stumps) Lovell,

Did I leave the iron on?

short in stature but long in character and regular supplier of hip flask bless him. STUMP X CAVERN was the answer required which was along a fine bit of road that was gently swept by the mid afternoon breeze. Onto Greenhow Hill and the next clue at the little Norman Church. The next clue is “go to rubber like homes”….BLUBBERHOUSES Do you get it now folks?
This is a great road for a swift blast, a long undulating road of vast views away to the left where you could see the vast golf balls of Mendleworth, a U.S communications facility, make of that title what you wish! The road then heads down steeply before intersecting the A59 Skipton to Harrogate road, ride this for a hundred yards and turn off at the church that was once a chapel…the clue asks “Name the chapel please”, the church name is what you see first, so a bit sneaky is this one!
It’s just five minutes to the end now and the directions given lead everyone to Swinsty Reservoir, enter the sky blue gates before the blue water. Most were there by now with the last few bikes just a few minutes behind.

Tina slaves away as per normal.

It took about 3 hrs for most to complete. Barry, Julie and Tina were busy cooking burgers sausages and stuff under a bright yellow awning.A quiet moment!

We had obtained permission from the water authorities to hold our barbi here, this is where the treasure hunt entry fee of £5 per bike went. The food was plentiful, in fact we had plenty left over to feed some tired out youths who were doing some walking expeditions, they were involved in Duke of Edinburgh awards I think. Their vehicles were near us and they were very happy to help us clear away what was left.

Denise and Nigel.Treasure hunt winners.

Everyone tucked in and enjoyed each others company in the afternoon sun. Mark and Chrissy made a great effort to come to the barbi. Chrissy

Chrissy had come from the night shift at the hospital, Mark brought the old hipflask filled with mature sloe gin, wonderful stuff it was too, just a nip is all that’s required.  All I wanted now was another bottle and a park bench! Tony spilt the beans about one of Marks little adventures in Scarborough and got chased off for his effort, it was funny to watch the boys squabbling. The impromptu bike show of eleven Honda Goldwing 1500 and 1800cc motorbikes attracted the general public’s interest. One of the localpark rangers dropped by to said hello again to Barry. Everyone seemed to have had a fine day, the girls were much fitter after climbing on and off the back so many times to last them until next season!APPY WANDERERS  Sunday family

It was nice to see some not so familiar faces. Proof that what Barry and I are doing is worthwhile and we are on track achieving our goal, that being to get folk out of the house, pub or meeting and onto the roads of England!  Barry and Dave the first of many APPY WANDERERS

Time passed by quickly, the ambiance much enjoyed but time was time and miles had to be done to finally get ones feet up for the last time today. We all began to trickle away homebound, it takes ages to say goodbye to so many friends. The Nutbrowns got a good luck from us all as they returned to “Cod head” land with their slow puncture. I followed Barry and the girls back to Keighley but we were held up by some old codger and his wife out for a slow ride on their H/D Why he didn’t wave Barry by I don’t know, he just hogged the road for miles. We emptied the van and Julie and I had a nice cup of tea at the club house then rode the last sixty odd miles home, parking up finally at around half seven. I am looking forward to next years hunt already, going to find some devious places next time though!
The Wanderers SCRIBEFor the record Denise and Nigel Corby were victorious in stealing first place, two extra burgers were awarded as were two of our new design dress Polo T shirts, well done! Oh nearly forgot to mention which team came last, this award goes to the Laurel and Hardy….Tony Hudson and Nick the Freak.
I promised Denis that I would include this little story so here it is ….Whilst sitting around chatting Nigel and Denise were talking about their barbi kit and she said she even cooked peas on it. A flash went through my mind of the longest thinnest kebab stick in the world and before I could engage brain to gob I blurted out, how the hell can you do peas on a barbi! Honest I knew the answer before I got to the end of the sentence. The air cracked as Denise fell apart with laughter at my manly dumbness, she laughed and laughed and laughed! Are you happy now you have got your own back buggerlugs??  Xxx

Tilateronthen
                                      THE SCRIBE