Its 07.30 hrs on a bright Sunday morning, Julie, George, Dominatrix and I are on the empty A1 heading out of Doncaster towards the M62 cutting through the warm morning air. Sheepskin George has been aired and now comforts our bums. Dom clears her voice and purrs “Off route….. Re –calculating” There is not a cloud in the sky, not a car in sight, Oh what a great ride it’s going to be today! We are heading up to the Lake District “Fatha” is taking us on a nine lake tour we are picking up others en route.

Russ and Elaine are waiting at the usual start point at Colin Appleyard Ltd in Keighley, Barry and Tina arrive shortly after us, minutes later Stretch and Linda turn up, we swap  morning greetings whilst waiting for others to arrive. 09.00hrs comes and goes unfortunately nobody else turns up so we head off towards “The Bridge” at Kirkby Lonsdale just an hour away for our first tea stop. Barry and Tina are on point today on their lipstick 1800 07model. “Stretch” and Linda are close behind him on their no frills 1800 followed by Russ and Elaine astride the huge deep red roaring1500  adorned with chrome and adorned with twinkling red lights, hot on their heels come Julie and I on the bucking black skull covered 1800 known better as “The Not So Jolly Roger” We use the lovely smooth empty  Skipton bypass to stretch our horses legs, riding quickly in a neat unit of 4, slipping past scant Sunday traffic quickly and safely’

The advert on TV states “You don’t have to fly to join the RAF” It forgot to mention you could also get a GoldWing and have as much fun! Russ and Elaine were to prove this later on in the day with an accidental solo flight over a humpty backed bridge!

Kirkby Lonsdale hove into sight quickly, we parked up and waited a while, still nobody else turned up, perhaps they had all been washed away in the June floods?  We mounted up after a cuppa and after a phone call to “Fatha” up there in Cumbria to give him our ETA, Barry then says to me, grinning “Right then, we are going down that road there to Sedburgh I grinned back at him “No problem boyo”.

Off we went again down the damp tree lined A683 behind other bikers with the same idea as Barry but cars spoiled our pace as we waited for safe opportunities to pass. A particular bend arrived and Barry asked if I had got round OK. Let me explain folks, a week earlier on a “Research and Development ride with “Fatha” and Barry I misjudged this blind bend and nearly went ahead into down a farm entrance, however I applied a fist full of brake, stood it up and heaved it round, much to Barry’s amusement behind me, hence the “sarky” comment on the CB, I now have to recount my blunder again, for Julie, thanks a lot pal!

We stitched left and right as the minor road cris- crossed along the M6 heading north up the valley, we finally joined it at J38 and pushed quickly to the next junction. Barry had us explore a nearby petrol station not to mention all four exits on a lovely roundabout in search of the rest of our group. No comment needed just a huge grin flashed in his direction, we pulled over so he could call them up on the phone and confirm exactly which left/right was it off the junction? We turned the bikes round carefully at the edge of the road, it had adverse camber and was complimented with loose shale, “Stretch” showed us that care was needed to turn around. Ten minutes later we arrived at the meeting spot.

Old friends greet us as we arrived at the garage/café, “Fatha” waves us in from the grass verge, sat there drinking tea are Stephen and Jane on the red EML camera trike they had slipped over the border again from yonder lands near Dumfries. “Fatha” and “M” (AKA Ian and Margaret) scooted in from nearby Carlisle M is on her own wheels today, the lovely vintage Virago 750.   “Fatha” is on his clean looking 1800, a montage of the Lord of The Rings covering every panel, it’s really great to see everyone again. These people are proper folk! We hugged, chatted drank tea and looked at photos of “Fatha” and “M’s” recent trip on route 66 in the States. ”Fatha’s” mobile bleeps to announce the impending arrival of Lynn and John on the old purple goddess, the 1500 EML  trike known as “Purple Amethyst” Its gaffer taped together here and there as usual in a determined effort to keep all the bits together on this days adventure, whilst we wait for John to fill the bike and empty his bladder, Barry and I take it in turn to verbally assault Lynn with cheeky comments about their beloved “hack”

Finally we hit the road into the lakes, “Fatha” is taking point now,   heading towards Pooly Bridge, and a day long encounter with slow moving holiday traffic, we are traversing now along the length of Ullswater, the solo’s pass through the bumbling cars easily our trikes take a tad longer. Julie and I are covering the back door and giving Barry a constant update on life at the back. Watching the two trikes is interesting, old John, I can say that now because he has officially retired and Lynne are moving about a lot in their seats Lynne leans hard left and right her blonde extensions whipping wildly in the wind, John is fighting the road camber as I won’t repeat what he said later about the b*****d road camber! In contrast looking at Stephen our retired banker following John, driving sitting bolt upright as though on parade in Munich, his impression is VERY good you know! Jane is sat calmly behind him looking around and occasionally waving her arms around with a Scottish accent.

We push on past cars and caravans, some of them turn off into café areas, some of the cars today though are trying my patience and I’m at the back for heavens sake! The lake at Windermere is next, its full to the brim with visitors, thankfully we don’t stop and ride through the melee down towards Newby Bridge at the bottom bit of the lake this time heading towards the waters of Coniston. To the left and right now are great rocky features with great sounding names like “The Old Man of Coniston” and “Furness Fells” the weight of traffic falls away as we head now towards Ambleside  through the delightful sounding village of Clappergate! Rydale Water we pass, as we do Lake Thirlmere and into the quieter Keswick. We are chalking up the lake sightings quickly now as we gather Derwent Water into our pocket of “Seen it done it” places.

The most glorious scenery of the afternoon lay before our eyes as we take the little windingB5289 from Keswick towards Cockermouth, Unfortunately we were cursed by the most imbecilic cretinous driver I have ever EVER encountered. This person had a murder weapon in his hands and seemed intent on using it, he had even folded his wing mirror back so he couldn’t see any of us wobbling behind him on this twisting up hill road at a slow 15/20 mph, the solos passed quickly at every open opportunity, even John and Lynne took a deep breath and squeezed past safely, he nearly had “Stretch” off at a flat and open corner, it should have been as safe as houses really there was lots of visibility to the front, “Faster Stretch” I said to myself as the car veered towards the bike, it just missed his pannier by a whisker.  Stephen and I were sizing him up for our turn at passing when Barry called out on the CB to pull over at the next turn off, this was in fact Honister Slate Mine, it was about to close so we just took a ten minute breather, and had a good look around at the quiet mountains, in the distant now we watched the slowly vanishing cretin in his little tin box eventually disappearing from sigh

“Fatha”took us down the valley, down the narrow road which was awash with gallons of water in places as the hills emptied and streams developed across the road, a free bike wash for everyone – and a jeans rinse for others! We turned onto an even smaller road at Buttermere by Crummock Water and looped back towards Keswick. We parked up here and took over a fish shop, literally! The look on the guys face as we entered his sleepy abode at 7.30 on this quiet Sunday evening was priceless. To say we are a bit noisy is an understatement, the chap put on his bravest face and served  us with 14 sit down fish dinners!

We got ready to leave, said goodbye to the fishman and thanked “Fatha” and M for a great day out. They peeled off just down the road, heading home to Carlisle. A bit further on Stephen and Jayne waved and honked before turning north on the M6 for their run for the border us Yorkshire folk headed south towards Keighley on the Skipton bypass. It was getting darker as 21.30hrs approached, the remaining trike and three bikes in front began to dazzle me with their individual array of bordello lights, we still had another hour and a half to go so Julie and I waved goodbye, cut from the group and sped ahead, as a goodbye salute I missed the turn off and went round the pigging roundabout twice to Barry’s amusement!  On we went through Keighley, Denholme, Queensbury and onto the M62 to the A1 to Doncaster and home to Hatfield, a days run of 340 miles in total. It had been a great rideout. On the run home my mind wondered over the day, the wedding buggy with the bride munching on an ice cream, the car in the middle of the narrow road with a wheel broken off, the three Lamas counting us as we went by and the face of the chap in the  Keswick fish shop. I wondered too how our very special Jamie Toseland had done on his rideout at Brands Hatch today with Max, Troy, Rubin and the other mad jet jockies!

Lateronthen

Dave Sharp